The Ideal Plot of Twilight
by Dursley Hater
Summary: I am not a twilight fan of all. So I've written this funny story about Twilight. Hope you enjoy. No Offense to Twilight lovers.
1. Chapter 1

The Ideal Story of Twilight

"What? You can't do that Bella; you can't just give me to the bomb squad because they want a dog for finding bombs. I have a life as well. Don't you know I have your daughter's imprints? This is just not fair Bella, not fair." Jacob said after hearing that Bella's giving him away to the bomb squad.

Although Jacob agreed that he was more of a dog than a human, but still he wasn't the bomb squad type of dog. He considered himself as a pet dog, who was faithful, loyal, and yes, stinking as well.

"Jacob, you are just overreacting. It's not that bad there. I can assure you that the bomb squad will treat you well, give you food and of course, a bath (After they torture the terrorists by your smell). And there will be many others just like you." Bella was trying to show Jacob that the bomb squad was not a bad place to spend the rest of his life.

"Alright Bella. I'll go but just because you are telling me do so. But I will come back, I'll come back to get you, to kill that sparkling diamond. Mark my words, I will come." And with that, Jacob took off to his new home.

"Yea, as if they are going to leave you". Bella said with a cruel smile on her face. Wait! Did Bella just smiled. Well, that's a surprise.

So, Mission Jacob was done, now mission diamond was left. Bella went straight to the forest where she knew she could find Edward without any clothes, sparkling like a diamond in the sunlight. As soon as she reached the middle of the forest, she saw Edward and said, "Ah! So here's my diamond. Where were you? I've been looking for all over".

"What happened? I thought I'd come by the forest to get some vitamin D. What about you? What are you doing here? Here, sit down and come sparkle with me". Edward said making room for Bella in the tine amount of sunlight that was coming from between the trees.

"Edward, I've something to tell you. I have sold you to the diamond industry. You know, the way you sparkle, every diamond industry has been behind you. And they offered such a good sum of money that I couldn't say no to them." Bella said, sounding as if she never cared for Edward.

"How could you? How could you do this to me? I mean, I thought you loved me, I thought what we had was special. I never thought you would sell me for some money." He didn't say what to say anymore, so he just stayed quiet for some time, thinking about the diamond industry, the benefits of it. At last, he would be of some use.

"What about Jacob? I can't leave you here all alone with that stinking wolf."

"EDWARD!" Shouted Bella, rising to her feet. "Don't you dare call Jacob he wolf. He is a dog, a faithful dog who has been loyal to me ever since. I will not hear anything bad about him. And don't worry, I've sent to the bomb squad. He'll be happy there. Now off you go and stop worrying about me."

"But Bella, what are you going to do with all that money that you'd get from selling Jacob and me?"

"I've already thought about that. I'm going to have a surgery of my face. You know, to get some expressions. Because lately, everyone has been making jokes about me having no facial expressions. There are pages on facebook on me like 'Bellaphobia: The fear of having no expressions'. So, selling you guys was my only way to have my surgery. Sorry." Said Bella, not feeling sorry at all.

"Okay Bella. If this is what you want, I'll go to the diamond industry. But remember one thing; I'll never stop loving you. You were and always be my love. Bye." Saying this, Edward turned and ran away with tears in his eyes. He was heartbroken.

"Well, that was fun!" Saying this and trying to smile, Bella sat down in the Sunlight just to sparkle with no expressions on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't have anything else to tell, so I'm just publishing this second chapter so that you read the first chapter in order to read the second chapter and in this way there will be more views.

And one thing more: You just got trolled, Bazinga !

Sprry for wasting your time but this really was fun.


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